Monday, October 1, 2018

it's not the dead cat

it's the abandoned dog in the street,
the dream that you left alone,
the friend that you have but won't talk to.

it's not the dead cat in the patio that we are talking about,
it's everything that you just want to ignore.


Monday, July 23, 2018

1 am and later.

She was stressed and anxious, living in a world that brings sadness and disappointments. She wondered why anything matters. She was wondering what the point was, and when you question these things at night, good answers rarely come.

Unlike himself, he came by to visit her, pretty much by surprise. She knew he said he would visit her, but it was too late for anyone to get out of a home, and their friendship just wasn't that type of relationship. She didn't believe him he would. If anyone visited her that night, that late, it would be someone else, but not him. Still, there he was, at the door, both wondering how did that happen.

They talked for an hour, and their conversation started to slow down, as it always does. It was time to call it a night, head home, sleep, and wake up the next day to a beautiful Saturday. But he didn't call it a night. He didn't head home. He said "hey, let's go somewhere," and to her wondering expression he continued, "somewhere outside the city." 

She got visibly confused, and also excited. She then, thinking twice, went back to her usual self. Of course, they were not going somewhere outside the city. Of course not. Hell, they were not even going outside of her home together that night. She knew it was time to say good night, and for him to go home, sleep, and wake up the next day to a promising Saturday. She found out, he wasn't going home. He insisted, with a smile, saying "come on, get ready, we are leaving." Confused, again, and excited (again), she needed answers, but a minute later she was in his car, in the passenger seat. He was now starting to drive. They were on their way to somewhere.

By pure luck, the radio had some pretty cool songs. They were driving, talking, joking, and sharing stories. This highway they did not know, and they did not care. 

Back then, the world was free of the knowledge of what a GPS is. This was before Google Maps existed as a product or as a concept. This was when lost people remained lost until helped by a local. They were lost and driving towards somewhere. They didn't know how long they would need to drive to get somewhere, or how somewhere would look like. A known darkness wrapped the car, but they were OK; there was enough gas in the tank, music in the radio, and time in their hands.

After some time, time that they were not counting, they decided to stop. To be precise, one of them suggested they stop, but we wouldn't (and won't) know who did. They turned right to a small road, and drove a bit, getting further away from the highway and towards the darkness. He shut the car's engine, and they both got out to the wrapping darkness that night is. They spent some minutes there, in the cold without being cold. Talking. Still joking and laughing, still sharing stories to each other. Then, they made a pause to note that they were really outside of the city, for no reason at all, on a random night, that was, for all of their standards, already over even before he came knocking at the door. Their heads turned up, and there they were: a few shooting stars. This was the first time he ever saw them. They felt it then, it was cold outside, and it was time to get in the car again.

They didn't feel like going back. There were only known problems at home, known distances, known.. things. And the dead cat in the patio. There were no solutions to those problems waiting at home. The only direction to go was further away, deeper into getting lost together.

To continue..

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

This is here.
This exists now and it doesn’t mean anything. There is no purpose, and there was no planning. Why is this here?

What matters (and mattered) is (and was) not the future. This is the past, typing. This is the past opening here a small room; an event likely to happen, but unlikely to happen today.

Thursday, March 9, 2017

ring ring

Hey Lucy.

Soy yo. Lucía del futuro.
Listen.....I.....just wanted to say...
that it is better to just run.....it is easier.
But i know you won't do it.
Cuz i know, I know....you had to grow up....


You kinda did though.
run. and grow up. at the same time.
you figured out...how to be ok with not being ok.
which is pretty impressive.


En fin.

No dejes que las personas que amas,
determinen como las amas.
so what if they need things to be spelled out for them?
trust me, if they need that...they're idiots.
but you'll figure that out eventually.


Other than that....NC is pretty neat. Lots of pollen though.
sucks.
y por fin cumpliste el sueño de tu vida.
te tomó exactamente 21 años.
high five.
let's see if you can keep it up for at least a year.


One more thing.
empaca un chingo de amantadina. en USA no la venden y es una joda.
para tu tos tan frágil.
llevas 21 días enferma. lo cual es una desafortunada coincidencia con los 21 años que te tomó llegar hasta aquí.

keep pushing.

hangs up*

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Anyways.


I believe you loved me.
A bit.
The way you loved your father... with a little bit of hope, but not really expecting much about it.
Like an every-day, have-to-deal-with-it feeling, of somebody who never cared, but you had to be grateful anyways, with what you had, because it could be worse.
Instead of regretting something that was never there, in the first place.

You know...
that kinda tiny bitty type of hope.
The tinniest chance of solace.

Solace of petite things, 
that made you forget, that you were really (really) hoping,
wishing, and then regretting being naive.
blaming yourself for being that way.

I believe you loved me.
Like that.
I believe you expected me to be contempt as well,
Because if you could do it, then I had to do it.

I believe that is also why yo were never there.
I believe you loved me that way.

So I believed you. When you said yo cared.
I knew it was half-hearted already.
But oh, what a waste.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Liebes Deutschland (Deutsch Version)

Liebes Deutschland, Wie geht’s? Vielleicht kommt es dir merkwuerdig vor, dass ich dir schreibe, in Anbetracht unserer gemeinsamen Vergangenheit. Anderseits ist es vielleicht auch offensichtlich, dass die Zeit gekommen, über etwas zu reden. Seit geraumer Zeit versaust du mir nun schon mein Liebesleben, und ich möchte dich bitten, damit aufzuhoeren. Deine Beweggruende sind mir immer noch unklar, aber ich bin hier um dir einen Waffenstillstand anzubieten. Falls du sich fragen, wer ich bin und wovon ich hier rede (Ich verstehen schon, das so ein erfolgreiches Land irgendwann aufhoert seine Siege ueber unbedeutende andere zu zaehlen) erlaube mir dir einige Beispiele zu nennen: Du hast mein Herz mehrmals gebrochen, von Menschen aus deinem Land auf, die Du auf diese Unterfangen geschickt hast. Wenn Du mir nicht glaubst, wirf einen Blick auf meine Vergangenheit und sehe selbst: 2002 JULI-JULI 2003: Ich bin fuer Abschlussjahr der Oberstufe nach Österreich gegangen und von Deutsch Menschen ständig gemobbt worden, nur weil ich in Österreich lebte. Ein netter deutscher Kerl verspottet mich. Ich wollte diesen Kerl zu anbaendeln, aber er verarschte mich nu, drum konnte ich nicht. 2011- Januar Nach einem Jahr im Ausland in China, hat mich mein damaliger Freund "Maicol" betrogen und ist anschliessen nach Deutschland gezogen, mit einem Deutsch Mädchen namens Sarah. November 2014 - Meine bestee Freund zog mit einem Deutschen Typ namens Phillipp zusammen. Das war nicht ganz so schlimm, denn er ist ein klasse Kerl und ich mochte ihn. Nichts desto trozt zählt es in die Statistik. (Er verspottete mich auch wegen meiner Vergangenheit in Oesterreich und meinem Akzent). Oktober 2015 – Ich bin einem netten Kerl von der Arbeit begegnet, bei dem ich nicht die geringste Chance hatte, da er gerade ein super heisses Mädchen namens Celine zusammen war. Drei mal darfst Du raten, woher Celine war, richtig! Deutschland. Ich muss anmerken, ich mochte Celine sie auch. Waehrend du mich einerseits mit deinen Menschen beeindruckst, trittst du mir dennoch dauernd in den Hintern, was meine Liebe angeht.

Last but not least, April 2016 – Ich traf diesen anderen netten Kerl, Alex. Er hat mich verlassen, weil seine Ex aus dem Ausland zurueck gekehrt ist und er wollte es mit ihr nochmal versuchen. Muss ich erwaehnen, dass auch sie aus Deutschland kam?
So, Deutschland, ich appeliere hiermit an dein Mitgefuehl. Schau dir an, was von meinem verletzten Herzen noch uebrig ist. Verschone mich, auf dass auch ich einen anstaendigen Menschen kennenlernen kann, bis ich tot umfalle. Oder vielleicht zumindest jemand, mit dem ich ein bisschen rummachen kann und der mich spaeter nich links liegen laestt, weil er mich gegen eine bessere tauscht? (Oder vielleicht kann ich wenigstens ausharren, falls er es sich doch anders ueberlegt?). Wirf doch nur einen Blick auf das enthaltene Bild, und genieße deinen Triumph. Der Anblick von mir in Fetusstellung, weinend in der Dusche sollte doch vielleicht Trophaee genug sein? Vielleicht kannst du dir jetzt ein anderes Hobby suchen und das Leben eines Anderen versauen? Ich weiss, dass ein Erste-Welt Land weniger wirtschaftliche und soziale Probleme hat, als mein Land (Mexiko), aber bitte denke daran, dass wir auch schön sein können ... mit all unseren urkomisch Slang ... und unserem leckeren Essen. Wir haben auch warme Sommer, und du bist immer willkommen an unserer schönen Stränden .... so lange wie du dich benimmst und nicht unsere Freunde stiehlst. Denk drueber nach! Im Gegenzug fuer dein unglaublich mitfühlendes Herz, verspreche ich, dass ich eines Tages einen Audi kaufen werde. Und ich werde mein Deutsch in den kommenden Jahren perfektionieren. Ich werde auch nie wieder deine Lederhose verspotten werde mindestens einmal aufs Oktoberfest gehen (Hoffentlich laufe ich nicht meinem Ex ueber den Weg!). Ich lasse Sie jetzt mit dem folgenden Zitat zu reflektieren: "Niemand ist je vom Geben arm geworden!" - Anne Frank, Anne Franks Tagebuch. Mit freundlichen Grüßen, Falkirk. P. S. Ich weiß, dass das Anne-Frank-Zitat ein Tiefschlag war, aber habe Geduld mit mir hier. Ich nutze die Waffen, die mir gegeben sind. Hass mich auch bitte nicht mehr, nur weil ich franzoesisch bin.




Thursday, May 5, 2016

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Dear Germany

Dear Germany,

How are ya? you may find strange for me to write you, given our history together. Although it may come pretty straight forward to you, the time has come to talk about something. You have been kicking my ass in my love life for quite some time now and I would like you to stop. The reason why you are doing this to me still eludes me, nevertheless, I came here to offer you a truce.

In case you were wondering what on earth am I talking about (because I understand that you, being a successful country do not keep count of how many appalling victories you cast upon others) allow me to elaborate: you have broken my heart several times, by sending people from your country to this very specific endeavor. If you don't believe me, take a look at my background history with you:

July 2002 - July 2003: I went abroad for my high school senior year to Austria and was constantly bullied by german people just for living in Austria. A cute german guy mocked me. I wanted to date that guy, but he bullied me and I never could.

January 2011- After a year abroad in China, My exboyfriend "Maicol" cheated on me and then later move to Germany with a german girl named Sarah.

November 2014 - My best friend moved in with a german guy named Phillip. This one was not that big of a hard blow, because lucky enough, I like this guy. But still counts for statistic purposes. (He also mocked me for living in Austria in my teenage years).

October 2015 - I met a cute guy from work whom I do not stand a chance with cuz he  is currently dating a super hot girl named Celine, who is from ...YOU GUESSED IT!!! Germany. Besides, I also like her too, so you got me bedazzled with your people Germany, while kicking me in the butt with my luck on love.

and Last but not least,  April 2016 - I met this other cute guy, Alex who we end up breaking up because his exgirlfriend is coming back to the country and he wanted to see her again.
guess from which country is she from: Germany.

So, Germany, I plea to you for your compassion.

I plea to look at my poorly amended heart, and what is left of it, and leave it be, so it can find a decent human being to hang out until I drop dead... or at least, to hook up with that does not later dumps me in exchange of your magnificent people. (or giving me the option to hang around in case he/she changes his mind).

I plea you to also take a look at the picture included,  and enjoy the sight of my crying by the shower in fetal pose,  hoping that this is the trophy you wanted all along.. and can proceed to a different hobby such as breaking someone else's life.

I recognize that you, as a first world country may be less challenged economically and socially than my country (Mexico) but please remember that we can be nice as well...with all our hilarious slang...and our delicious food. Also we have warm summers, and you are always welcome to our beautiful beaches....as long as you don´t steal boyfriends. Come to think about it, maybe that is the reason why you come steal them anyways.

In return of your incredibly compassionate heart, I promise I will buy an Audi one day
and perfectionate my german in the upcoming years. I will also never mock your lederhosen again and will attend at least one Oktoberfest (hoping with every fiber of my being to not run into my exes).

I leave you now with the following quote to reflect upon: “No one has ever become poor by giving.”
― Anne Frank, diary of Anne Frank: the play

Sincerely yours,
Falkirk.

P.S. I know that the Anne Frank quote was a low blow, but bear with me here. Im using all the resources I can. Also, please don't hate me more cuz I'm half french.

Monday, July 30, 2012

to sad to say.

doblaba con cuidado.
existía con cuidado.
todo puede romperse....mejor en cualkier momento.
hay que caminar de puntitas.
hay que susurrar y comer callados.
dormir. comer.
corre. grita. empuja.
pero callado.

Friday, April 15, 2011

The curse of consistency

Sometimes when I'm writing I will trace a letter slightly different. It may be a small squiggle at the end, the shape would end a bit shorter or I might slant it just a tad. In some cases I would really like the result. As a stand-alone letter it looks gorgeous; elegant in itself. Homogenization is, however, the bane of every aggregation. If it does not work with the whole it just can’t be incorporated. Thankfully, more often than not, I’m able to integrate it in one of my handwriting styles, be it the slanted-cursive, the serif-script or any other. But every once in a while it just won’t fit anywhere. To develop a new style around a single letter is certainly possible although realistically impractical.


It is in those occasions that my soul gets torn to shambles. To see such a beauty, such potential being pushed aside and forgotten is disheartening. It makes me extrapolate the circumstance to larger real-world events. How many experiences do we miss because they do not conform to the image we have formed of ourselves? Even worse, how many not-really-perfect “letters” do we embrace in our life alphabets only because they fit with the rest? I suggest you give this thought a minute.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Metodos cuantitativos vs metodos cualitativos

soy un pensamiento perfectamente logico e inductivo.
soy racional
trabajar trabaja trabajar.
rutina.
dentro de mi crece algo.
sale por los poros y se adentra por las calles, penetra las membranas del aire
y al aire le duele.
le duele pensar.
soy un pensamiento subjetivo, acerca de pensamientos subjetivos.

mi psicolog trata de encontrar patrones en mi
pero esta hecho de una sociedad, donde todos copian a todos.
tratan de evaluar que es lo que otros harian en la misma situacion que yo
soy un juicio convencional.

la presion es externa
reduce mi incertidumbre
la reduce la reduce
volar volar volar.
pensando.

mantengamos el efecto
reduzcamos los riesgos.
balance.....

Thursday, January 13, 2011

JUMP.

Ahora le vengo manejando lo que viene siendo
oleada de adrenalina
adranalina si
adrenalina no.
vengase conmigo. venga deme la mano
saltemos al infinito
al vacio de desfibrilacion.
donde la emocion se convierte en electricidad
y el miedo se confunde con amor.

ready? lets go!!!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

TE PROHIBO QUE SALGAS CON "EL NARANJAS"

los cholos de hoy en día quieren todo bien peladas,
y pues no.

Subele a la musica satánica.

VIVE
en el acronimo de tu imaginación.
VIVE gato!!!
y resuena en las axilas de la sabiduría.
VIVE INVISIBLE EN LAS PAREDES DEL GRIS CONCRETO.
Y LUEGO
vuelve a morir.
triciclo.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Sunday, March 7, 2010

El fin del gato

Chuck Norris tomó su tarro y lo azotó contra la barra.

¿Por que?

Por que en DCotP siempre suceden cosas extrañas sin explicación alguna.

Fue al patio, levantó al gato y lo puso en el contenedor de la basura. Jamás se le volvió a ver.

True Story.

Sunday, February 28, 2010